How do I potty train a toddler who refuses?

Stay calm and stay consistent. When a toddler refuses, it's usually about control, and that's actually a good sign developmentally. Your job isn't to make them go. It's to set one very clear message (all pee and poo go in the potty), remove alternatives, and let natural consequences do the teaching. Stop asking if they need to go. Observe their body signals instead, things like walking on tiptoes or going quiet, and name what you see: 'Looks like a pee might be coming.' The motivation has to come from them. Your job is to set the framework and stay consistent in how you respond.

How do I potty train a boy who refuses?

Boys who refuse potty training are responding to the same thing as any toddler: they've found that it's optional. Removing whatever alternative they have, whether that's pull-ups, diapers, or just going back to what feels comfortable, is where to start. Once there's no alternative, the motivation shifts. Keep it matter-of-fact, not a battle. When he has an accident, say calmly: 'I see you did a pee in your pants. All pee goes in the potty. Let's get cleaned up.' No drama, no shame, no big reaction. He is 100% capable of doing this. He just needs consistency more than pressure.

Why does my child refuse to use the potty?

Potty refusal is super common. It comes up in the majority of calls I take. Usually it comes down to one of three things: control (the potty feels like something being done to them, not chosen by them), fear (the sensation, the sound, the unfamiliar feeling of poo falling away rather than staying in a diaper), or the simple fact that they have an alternative. If there's still a pull-up available, there's zero motivation to change. Every child needs a slightly different approach, but understanding the root cause, whether behavioural, physiological, or fear-based, is where to start.

What do I do when my toddler says no to the potty?

Don't argue, and don't ask again. The more we negotiate, the more the potty becomes a power struggle, and toddlers will win a power struggle every time. Stay positive and matter-of-fact. Give them some control within the framework: which potty, which book to bring, whether they want company or privacy. Respond to accidents without big reactions. Factual and calm: 'Oops, pee in your pants. All pee goes in the potty.' Consistency in how you respond matters far more than getting it perfect every time.

When Your Baby Hates the Swaddle: What's Really Happening and What to Do

Sleep

May 31

Written By Sasha

Your baby screams when you wrap them up. They thrash against the swaddle, arch their back, and the moment you put them down they've already broken both arms free. You've tried three different swaddle blankets. Nothing works.

So they just hate the swaddle, right?

I hear this constantly from exhausted parents in the newborn phase, and I understand why it feels that way. But in most cases, what looks like hating the swaddle is actually something else, and once you know what to look for, it's fixable.

Does Your Baby Actually Hate the Swaddle?

Here's the honest answer: very few newborns genuinely dislike swaddling. The swaddle mimics the containment of the womb, which is the environment they've lived in for nine months. That snug feeling is deeply familiar to them.

What most babies are reacting to isn't the swaddle itself. It's usually one of three things:

The startle reflex. The Moro reflex (that full-body startle that jolts babies awake the moment you put them down) can feel overwhelming and disorienting for a newborn. Ironically, the startle often causes the arm-flailing and arching that looks like fighting the swaddle. The swaddle is actually the solution to this, not the problem. But if the technique is even slightly loose, the arms escape, the startle happens, and the baby escalates.

The technique — and the timing. Many parents think their baby hates the swaddle because they cry when being put into it. Crying during wrapping is not the same as hating it. Babies often settle quickly once they are in, especially when soothed immediately after with patting, rocking, or shushing before being put down into bed. Swaddling a drowsy or already-asleep baby rather than a fully alert one also makes an enormous difference. A swaddle that is not snug enough creates a separate problem: loose fabric can become a safety hazard, and if arms escape within minutes, the wrap is too loose, not the wrong choice.

Overtiredness. Babies who are swaddled after they're already overtired are more likely to protest. By that point they're past their window, and the swaddle gets the blame for what's actually exhaustion. Wrapping a baby earlier in the wind-down routine, before they hit that overtired wall, makes an enormous difference.

Swaddling Technique: What "Snug" Actually Means

A tight swaddle does not mean uncomfortable. It means arms can't flail free and the wrap doesn't loosen when the baby moves.

Here's what you're actually aiming for:

Arms down at the sides, not crossed on the chest (for most babies, though some do better with one or both arms up)
Wrap pulled firmly across the arms before folding up from the bottom
Snug across the chest, with space for the hips to flex. Legs need to be able to be in a froggy position, not straight down
If you can fit more than two fingers between the wrap and the baby's chest, it's too loose

One thing worth repeating: the legs need room. A swaddle that forces them straight rather than letting them bow naturally can affect hip development. Snug on top, loose enough on the bottom for natural movement.

What About the Love to Dream Swaddle?

The Love to Dream and similar arms-up swaddles are popular because some babies genuinely prefer their hands near their face for comfort. If your baby consistently breaks free and immediately brings hands to their mouth, this might be the right fit.

But if your baby is escaping a Love to Dream, check the zip tension first. The fabric should feel firm around the arms. If there's slack in the zip panels, hands will wriggle free. Also check the size: babies grow fast and a Love to Dream that fit at 3 weeks may be too loose at 6 weeks.

It's worth knowing that the Love to Dream transition swaddle (which unzips to free one arm, then both) is one of the easiest ways to move from full swaddle to sleep sack when the time comes. Worth keeping in mind when you choose your initial swaddle.

Age Matters: When Swaddle Protest Is Actually Developmental

Around 3 to 4 months, many babies start to genuinely push back on the swaddle. Not because they've always hated it, but because they're becoming more motorically active and body-aware. They want to move their arms, bring hands to their mouth, and explore. (The Moro reflex does gradually fade over this period, though it doesn't fully disappear until around 4 to 6 months.)

This is also the window when rolling begins to become a possibility for some early movers, which is when swaddling needs to stop for safety reasons.

So if swaddle protest is showing up suddenly in a baby who was fine before, check the age. It might not be a technique problem. It might be a developmental signal that it's time to transition.

The transition works best done in two stages: one arm out for several nights, then both arms out. This gives the baby time to adjust to the new sensation without going cold turkey from full swaddle to no swaddle overnight.

When Swaddling Isn't the Right Tool

Some babies genuinely do better without it, usually those who are strong self-soothers and prefer hand access from birth. If you've tried three different swaddles, nailed the technique, swaddled at the right time of day, and the baby is consistently more settled unwrapped than wrapped, that's real information. Not every baby needs the swaddle.

For babies who genuinely settle better without it, a snug sleep sack with a firm side of the crib to lean against can give some of that "contained" feeling without the wrap.

The Safety Non-Negotiables

Stop swaddling the moment your baby shows any sign of rolling, even if they haven't fully rolled yet
Always place a swaddled baby on their back
The swaddle should never come loose and cover the face
Check the room temperature. A swaddled baby needs a cooler room than an unswaddled one

For full safe swaddling guidance, see the AAP safe sleep recommendations.

Most of the time, a baby who "hates the swaddle" is a baby whose technique needs adjusting, whose timing is off, or who is developmentally ready for something different. It rarely means you should abandon it altogether. A few small tweaks can make a big difference.

If sleep in the newborn phase is feeling overwhelming and you're not sure what to try next, I work with families to build a sleep plan that actually works. Download the Newborn Sleep Survival Guide to start, or book a discovery call if you want support one-to-one.

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Sasha http://sasharomary.com